Pin pointing the exact start is difficult. Initially she could hear my friend talking outside; then I joined in the conversation; and these conversations were happening regularly.
We moved on to hearing the choir outside before they turned into Carol Singers in the summer; but, if I told her she was talking about her dreams, she seemed to be satisfied.
One cold morning, when my husband went to see if she was up and to have his usual cup of tea with her before going to work, she was stood outside, waiting for the bus to take her and a crowd of people out for the day. This is when it started to be more serious as we were at the point of not knowing if she had had visitors/callers or not.
Brother in Law confronted my husband one day about us moving away from the area, after a conversation with her, but, she had spoken to us a few times about him moving away. Husband also has a girlfriend and a baby, apparently, but I think this is just her thinking about the past and it seeming very real and in the here and now in her thought process.
When you sit down and think about the things she is saying, you can relate them to actual events in the past and it seems logical for her to be putting her thoughts into order, but then other things are so incredulous that you have to sit and laugh about them, otherwise they would be upsetting.
A call to action came a few weeks back when the Carer found her fallen over in the snow. She had gone to help someone in the orchard who was shouting for help, and had fallen over and was unable to get up as the snow was very slippery. This event was very clear in her mind as not only did she tell the carer, myself, the paramedics and ambulance staff but also the Dr when he arrived sometime later.
Since then she has gotten progressively worse and very quickly and the tests were done to formally diagnose dementia.
Thursday, 30 December 2010
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Thoughts
Previously we have had confusion linked to a UTI and that can range from mild confusion to a quite aggressive response.
One day she walked down the connecting orchard (looking like she was on a mission) when she arrived she got quite upset to think that hubby and I might have been arguing. On this occassion, we weren't, but after having a cup of tea she settled and I walked her home again; and up to the Dr very smartly the next day!
Today she thinks about the pub she went to last night where the youths were fighting. She was given a safe room and came home early this morning. Very vivid in her mind but accounts for why the nursing staff saw her getting dressed early this morning; she was on her way home.
The other big change that I notice is that she has never been an emotional or tactile person; now, she sits and holds my hand and says to me very regularly 'You know I love you, don't you?' This is probably the one that can reduce me to tears before I have chance to blink or even think about it.
As the seemingly 'hard' one in the family this is quite disturbing; but dementia is not something that I have had to deal with before and learning how to respond to these outbursts of confusion.
Seeing people, who should know better, treat her with disrespect, is very upsetting. Taking the time to listen and find out a little more about her condition is important to be able to monitor her health and to have an adult discussion with her Dr. Looking, listening and learning have proved to be the key so far, and this is something that I can continue doing for her benefit. All of a sudden I find myself needing to become well versed in dementia, in order to be able to understand how she is thinking.
When we sit and talk I find that touching her head or her face or talking quietly in her 'space' causes her to respond with a smile and a conspiratorial look and is rewarding to think that she feels special on these occassions.
One day she walked down the connecting orchard (looking like she was on a mission) when she arrived she got quite upset to think that hubby and I might have been arguing. On this occassion, we weren't, but after having a cup of tea she settled and I walked her home again; and up to the Dr very smartly the next day!
Today she thinks about the pub she went to last night where the youths were fighting. She was given a safe room and came home early this morning. Very vivid in her mind but accounts for why the nursing staff saw her getting dressed early this morning; she was on her way home.
The other big change that I notice is that she has never been an emotional or tactile person; now, she sits and holds my hand and says to me very regularly 'You know I love you, don't you?' This is probably the one that can reduce me to tears before I have chance to blink or even think about it.
As the seemingly 'hard' one in the family this is quite disturbing; but dementia is not something that I have had to deal with before and learning how to respond to these outbursts of confusion.
Seeing people, who should know better, treat her with disrespect, is very upsetting. Taking the time to listen and find out a little more about her condition is important to be able to monitor her health and to have an adult discussion with her Dr. Looking, listening and learning have proved to be the key so far, and this is something that I can continue doing for her benefit. All of a sudden I find myself needing to become well versed in dementia, in order to be able to understand how she is thinking.
When we sit and talk I find that touching her head or her face or talking quietly in her 'space' causes her to respond with a smile and a conspiratorial look and is rewarding to think that she feels special on these occassions.
The worst Christmas
This has probably been the worst Christmas of my life. Over the last few months mother in law has become progressively worse with confusion and muddled thoughts.
We bought her home from hospital on the friday before Christmas for one last attempt at Caring for her our selves; however on the following wednesday she was taken back in after suffering a seizure. Since then she has become more and more confused, very quickly.
The emotions that I have encountered have been so powerful that the slightest thing or thought has had me in tears. This woman in 97% not my mother in law. How do I deal with it? I play along with her thoughts rather than upset her but then I feel a fraud for doing so.
We know now that she will probably never come back home again but spend the rest of her days in a Nursing Home. Is it cruel or kind? I really don't know; but the thought of her getting worse and not knowing her own family is very hard to deal with and I know that I haven't got the mental strength to deal with it.
I shall share some of my thoughts and feelings here, as and when I have the time and feel like putting pen to paper. I welcome your thoughts on this as well so please feel free to comment.
We bought her home from hospital on the friday before Christmas for one last attempt at Caring for her our selves; however on the following wednesday she was taken back in after suffering a seizure. Since then she has become more and more confused, very quickly.
The emotions that I have encountered have been so powerful that the slightest thing or thought has had me in tears. This woman in 97% not my mother in law. How do I deal with it? I play along with her thoughts rather than upset her but then I feel a fraud for doing so.
We know now that she will probably never come back home again but spend the rest of her days in a Nursing Home. Is it cruel or kind? I really don't know; but the thought of her getting worse and not knowing her own family is very hard to deal with and I know that I haven't got the mental strength to deal with it.
I shall share some of my thoughts and feelings here, as and when I have the time and feel like putting pen to paper. I welcome your thoughts on this as well so please feel free to comment.
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