This has probably been the worst Christmas of my life. Over the last few months mother in law has become progressively worse with confusion and muddled thoughts.
We bought her home from hospital on the friday before Christmas for one last attempt at Caring for her our selves; however on the following wednesday she was taken back in after suffering a seizure. Since then she has become more and more confused, very quickly.
The emotions that I have encountered have been so powerful that the slightest thing or thought has had me in tears. This woman in 97% not my mother in law. How do I deal with it? I play along with her thoughts rather than upset her but then I feel a fraud for doing so.
We know now that she will probably never come back home again but spend the rest of her days in a Nursing Home. Is it cruel or kind? I really don't know; but the thought of her getting worse and not knowing her own family is very hard to deal with and I know that I haven't got the mental strength to deal with it.
I shall share some of my thoughts and feelings here, as and when I have the time and feel like putting pen to paper. I welcome your thoughts on this as well so please feel free to comment.
It is a very brave family who do the best for their elderly relative rather than what is best for them. Best for you would no doubt be to care for her at home, but this is not what is best for her. She needs to be looked after now 24/7 and with the best will in the world you would fall short of what she requires. You have made the ultimate show of love, you have admitted you cannot be enough, and for your mother in law to get the care she deserves you need to let go a little. Hugs to you all, its never easy doing the right thing. It takes great courage and strength xxxx
ReplyDeleteSaz, thanks for those sensible words, I do appreciate them. Thank you xx
ReplyDeleteCarole I hate the thought you went through all this at Christmas. You did your best and your mother in law will feel this. Her care can be given by specialist trained and experience staff in the care home, with whom she will become familiar and feel safe. Take time over the next few months to rekindle your emotions and strength (very important), once you feel ready you can offer your mother in law more in love and affection.
ReplyDeleteThanks Julia, very much appreciated and as you know I respect your input as it has been invaluable over the past weeks.
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