Today we had to make our decision on a Nursing Home. This duly done we were told we had the option of taking her ourselves or having an ambulance take her on this journey from hospital to Nursing Home.
Great chance to take photographs and clothing in ready for her arrival, we thought.
I nipped into Town and bought her some new slippers and dressing gown ready for the journey and then went to the hospital for the afternoon visit.
On arrival I was collared by Staff Nurse and invited into the office. At this point I was told that she was ready to be taken on the journey to the Home. On asking and relating my conversation with the Social Worker I was told it had to be now as she was too much of a risk to be kept in the hospital any longer due to her wandering.
Frantic telephone conversation with hubby and I am despatched to the chemist to collect medication and return to the hospital to find a lady who is very much with it today. I told her we were going for a drive. Where to? Where are the boys? It had better be quick if I am going home.
Upon getting in the car she wanted to know why we were going through Town. Oh just for a drive say I.
Finally we arrive. What is this place? We haven't got time to go here. We need to get home.
I suggest we have a look around. No, there's too much walking. I want to go home. I'm not having tea here. I'm not staying. Come on lets go.
We unpack her few cothes and walk to the dining room where I hand her over to the staff and make an exit.
However, whilst I am signing the necessary paperwork she is looking through the window in the door and calling my name.
I cannot help myself from crying whilst I do this and head for the car. I cry all the way home and for most of the evening: accompanied by a bottle of wine and numerous cigarettes.
This has to be the most harrowing experience of my life, on a par with the sudden death of my father.
This woman has been betrayed by me when she has given me her trust. How do I feel? I'll let you guess.
This brings back many memories of my father's mother, both my grandparents had been landed on my parents at a days notice apparently my gran had had a nervous breakdown whilst caring for my grandpa who had terminal lung cancer, none of which my father knew about, so they went down to somerset and brought them home, grandpa to die without much fuss but with my gran going around the house totally doolally and my mum working part-time and with two kids who were about 9 and 11 - my mum must have had the patience of a saint, cos gran stayed with us for at least nine months before the decision was made for gran to go into a home, although I don't remember too much about it I do remember my father being very depressed at the time and my mother although less tired, she was definately very down, I could go into much more detail but you get the jist, 35 years on I remember having much the same feelings when my brother and I had to take mum to her nursing home even though she was mentally all there and was in agreement it doesn't stop the guilt however misplaced that might be, whatever happens Carole know this - you have done the right thing for all concerned. Take care of yourself x Alex P
ReplyDeleteI feel for you still remembering this traumatic time. I honestly think its one of those memories that will never go away and talking with other people I know they remember and are still hurt by this.x
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