Last night I went to the Nursing Home for the second time since taking Mother In Law in there 10 days ago.
She is now more confused than I have ever seen her. She thinks she is working again, but its an easy job and there are vacancies if we wanted to work there as well.
From time to time during the visit she flashed back to present day and had short conversations with us, but for the majority of time she was in another place.
When we arrived, we were pleasantly surprised that she recognised me, kissed me and said how pleased she was to see me. At one point she introduced me to one of the other ladies and the look of joyon her face as she remembered 'Daughter-In-Law' was fantastic to see, but, last night these flashes were few and far between.
On the way back I said that I could cope with her being ill at home; mind wandering, having 'seizures' and having to deal with the emergency services etc, I could cope with taking her to hospital and never being sure of the outcome from her stay and on a couple of times I agreed, for hubbies sake, to try looking after her at home again BUT as yet I cannot deal with these visits to the Home.
I know in my heart of hearts that she is getting better round the clock care than she could possibly get at home but seeing her there in such a state of confusion and insecurity is a strange emotion.
I'm hoping that she will become more settled so that hubby and I can visit independently rather than together and give her more qualiaty visits but as yet hubby cannot go on his own and watch her declining. He has been told by his brother not to get tied into going too often but for someone who was with her 3 or 4 times a day this is a difficult habit to break.
I think she feels this is not quite right because she cried again when we left but at least this time I was able to take her into the Lounge to be with others before we left.
I wonder how other people manage to 'box' their visits and walk out smiling? It will be interesting to hear about your coping strategies if you feel like sharing them.
Oh heck, don't give up now - it does get better you all will settle into the new routine but it will take a few weeks, Just imagine what it would really be like to have your MIL at home - this is what really happens - first of all you have no social life, you cannot work at all - I know I tried, your whole waking and often sleeping time revolves around them, partners, kids etc get badly neglected, housework suffers too because they are always under your feet needing attention, you cannot leave the house without them for fear of what might happen and finally now matter how you try you don't give the care you know you should and that's because there's only one of you as opposed to a team of trained professionals who are fresh and able and can leave at the end of a shift to recharge their batteries so to speak, this may seem harsh, it's not meant to but it is the reality - I know I've seen it happen and I've been there too and my relative had all her marbles, not being all there makes it doubly hard as my parents would agree. Stick it out it gets better for everyone, you, hubby and MIL.
ReplyDeleteThanks Alex. Its the guilt factor hovering around me but getting over it and looking forward to coffee and chat soon. x
ReplyDelete