A steady decline

I haven't visited the Nursing Home for two weeks now and the last time I did, Mother-in-law and I sat outside in the garden making the most of the evening sun and having a little chat. She was not 'with me' all of the time and was definitely a little slow in comprehending even the simplest of sentences, but we were able to understand each other ok. It was nice to sit and hold her hand and feel close.

Last night, however,was completely different, she sat staring into space and occassionally looking across and staring right through me as though she didn't recognise me or even see me and continually swinging her foot as was her wont when she was concentrating, in the past. For the first 30 minutes we sat holding hands and she kept squeezing my thumb but she had no idea at all who was sat with her. To start off with I was upset and found it difficult to look straight at her because I didn't want her to see my watery eyes. I did though turn to direct eye contact after a while when I decided that I would just sit and talk, so, I talked about anything and everything. Poor woman, I probably bored her rigid!

After a while she started copying my facial expressions; I tried smiling, wrinkling my nose, pulling faces and she did all of that. Finally after I had taken a 'Help me , mum' phone call from my daughter I related the culinary emergency to Mother in Law and she finally started talking quietly in response and as though she had had to think long and hard about the words that she wanted to use. At one point she even made kissing motions and when I misread this and asked her what she had said she did it again. Finally we were engaging in an exchange but on the point of leaving she reverted to the stance of a catatonic woman staring into space.

I wonder if these visits and exchanges actually register in her mind or if they are futile attempts at holding onto what she once was.............who knows